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He Wins, She Wins

Learning the Art of Marital Negotiation

Author Willard F. Harley, Jr.
Narrator Willard F. Harley, Jr.
Runtime 4.5 Hrs. - Unabridged
Publisher christianaudio
Downloads ZIP M4B MP3
Release Date October 1, 2013
Availability: Unrestricted (available worldwide)

When you get married, you expect your relationship to be a partnership in which you make decisions and face the world together, united. But often a husband's perspective and a wife's perspective on the same issue can be very different and unity in decision making can be tough. Should spouses take turns getting their way? Should they compromise? Can they avoid making decisions altogether? Dr. Harley says there's a better way--a way in which both partners get what they want and believe is best every time.

In He Wins, She Wins, Dr. Harley introduces the revolutionary concept of joint agreement in marriage that keeps both husband and wife on equal footing and equally satisfied. This win-win model for negotiation starts with a simple rule: Never do anything without enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse. Dr. Harley walks couples through the five most common sources of conflict in marriage, (friends and family, career and time management, finances, children, and sex), applying the joint agreement rule in every situation. And he teaches readers how to resolve conflicts the right way, so that not only are those conflicts resolved once and for all but the couple's love for one another actually grows and is sustained for the rest of their lives.

Anyone who has been married long enough to have a disagreement will benefit from this unique new book from everyone's favorite marriage doctor.

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Description

When you get married, you expect your relationship to be a partnership in which you make decisions and face the world together, united. But often a husband's perspective and a wife's perspective on the same issue can be very different and unity in decision making can be tough. Should spouses take turns getting their way? Should they compromise? Can they avoid making decisions altogether? Dr. Harley says there's a better way--a way in which both partners get what they want and believe is best every time.

In He Wins, She Wins, Dr. Harley introduces the revolutionary concept of joint agreement in marriage that keeps both husband and wife on equal footing and equally satisfied. This win-win model for negotiation starts with a simple rule: Never do anything without enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse. Dr. Harley walks couples through the five most common sources of conflict in marriage, (friends and family, career and time management, finances, children, and sex), applying the joint agreement rule in every situation. And he teaches readers how to resolve conflicts the right way, so that not only are those conflicts resolved once and for all but the couple's love for one another actually grows and is sustained for the rest of their lives.

Anyone who has been married long enough to have a disagreement will benefit from this unique new book from everyone's favorite marriage doctor.

Customer Reviews

7 Reviews Add Review
Would not recommend: not sure if this qualifies as a "Christian" book
I got this book as one of the free audiobooks of the month, and after listening to it, I am surprised this book is considered "Christian." I can count on one hand how many times God, Jesus, the Bible, etc... were mentioned in the book. This book seemed solely focused on practical, behavior change with little if at all discussion of the fact that behavior stems from our hearts. He doesn’t address the reality that it is our hearts that need to change, not just our behavior. There is no discussion of the implications of Jesus’s life, death, and resurrection for our marriages; something the bible clearly discusses. In fact, he says things that contradict clear biblical teaching. The most blatant example is that he states that sacrifice shouldn’t happen in marriage as it can breed bitterness. Even though I can understand what he is saying, as personally it is something I can struggle with, what he says completely contradicts Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” Instead of saying sacrifice shouldn’t happen, he should have acknowledged how the flesh can corrupt the act of sacrifice in marriage, and then point us the God who can change our hearts, died for us, and was the ultimate servant: “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45).

This isn’t to say that some of his principles aren’t helpful, as they are (I do believe the principle of enthusiastic joint agreement should be what is strived for if possible, but that isn’t always possible). But the counsel given here has nothing distinctly “Christian” about it. There is no hope for those who feel stuck in their marriages and that things will never change. There is no hope for those who feel entrapped by their sin and need to be reminded of the bigger picture of marriage. All that is given are rules principles to follow without grounding them in the power of the Spirit to produce true and lasting change.

I wouldn’t really recommend this book to anyone. If you want a good book on marriage, listen to Paul Tripp’s “What Did You Expect?” or John Piper’s “This Momentary Marriage.”
Overall
Review by / (Posted on 5/21/2016)
Not Biblical, but some practical help
As someone who was a fan of "His Needs Her Needs" by the same author, I expected much more from this book. "Needs" is a superbly light book for understanding the opposite sex, and for starting a discussion in a marriage in which you feel misunderstood. Although there is some helpful advice in "Wins" for those who have little to no experience compromising with others, this book, in places, is contrary to Scripture and so I cannot recommend it. For example, Harley teaches not to sacrifice for your spouse, because this breeds bitterness. Is this compatible with "loving your wife as Christ loved the church", guys? I don't think we should discard that just because we might think we know better. There is also much downplaying traditional roles in which the husband is the head and the wife submits. I'm not going to go into that in this space, and I recognize severe and minor abuse of this by poor husbands in the past. Others have defended this position much more eloquently. Skip this book and read "Sacred Marriage" by Gary Thomas, the best recent book on marriage. Also, This Momentary Marriage by John Piper is excellent. Thanks, Christian Audio, for making books available for reasonable cost, and for allowing space to review, but this one should be skipped.
Overall
Review by / (Posted on 5/11/2015)
more of a workbook
There are two parts to review in regards to this audiobook. The first is content, the second is quality of narration.

In regards to content, the book’s premise seems fairly solid. By the “Marriage Doctor,” this book seeks to help couples learn to negotiate effectively. Being in my second marriage myself, and having fostered union contract negotiations a couple of times in the past, I can definitely see how Harley can compare the two.

However, negotiations typically has the goal of everything being tolerable of the results. In negotiations, one must give and take. Yet, in marriage, there is the belief that a give and take should not be necessary for happiness. For some couples, this may be so. For others, however, sometimes being satisfied is good enough. Regardless of one’s approach to marriage, what Harley presents is a method of conflict management.

Seeing the astonishing rates of divorce in America today, mostly due to “irreconcilable differences,” this book may be just what married couples need. Harley’s ultimate goals is for the couple to be in love with each other. This is different than some approaches, however, which aim to resolve even if it places stress on the marriage.

When looking at narration, I must say that I am not impressed. Yes, it is narrated by the author. Yes, there are appropriate pauses and inflection. And yes, one can follow along with the pace. Despite all these, being the “boxes to check off,” the narration does not grab the reader. While Harley has spent significant time and effort in his book, no doubt, it feels as if the narration was not given the life it needs to take off and create its own following. If the narration is in any way a prelude to the author’s overall voice of the text, however, then readers will ultimately loose interest and not finish the reading.

With that in mind, perhaps this book is more of a workbook than a leisure book…

Disclosure: I was contracted to write an honest review in exchange for a reviewer copy of the product. The opinions stated in this review are solely my own.

Overall
Review by / (Posted on 5/16/2014)
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