How can a marriage survive an affair?
Infidelity is one of life's most painful experiences for everyone involved--the betrayed spouse, the children, the extended family members, and even the lover and the wayward spouse. Once trust is broken, how can a couple ever hope to reconcile?
In Surviving an Affair, Drs. Harley and Chalmers help you understand every aspect of infidelity--from the beginning of an affair through the restoration of the marriage, including
· why affairs begin and end
· how to end an affair
· how to restore the marriage
· how to manage resentment and rebuild trust
Surviving an Affair guides you step-by-step from the devastating blow of infidelity to a loving and trusting marriage.
If you are a victim of infidelity, you are on the emotional roller coaster ride of your life.
Drs. Harley and Chalmers know what they're talking about. Almost every day they hear from grieving spouses who say, Please help me. I have just discovered that my spouse is having an affair and I don't know what to do.
In Surviving an Affair, they provide answers to those who find themselves caught in this common tragedy. From the moment an affair is first suspected all the way to full marital recovery, they provide a thorough analysis of the problem with step-by-step proven solutions.
Surviving an Affair will do more than help you and your spouse survive the crisis of infidelity--it will show you how to minimize your suffering and emerge from this tragedy with your trust and love for each other restored.
- Surviving an Affair
This book provides an action plan for couples to survive the betrayal of an affair. People who have read Harvey’s other books will find familiar concepts here such as Love Units, the 10 Basic Emotional Needs, the Policy of Joint Agreement, and the Policy of Radical Honesty.
However, this book is not just a rehash of Harvey’s other books. There is a lot of valuable information here specific to dealing with the aftermath of an affair, including two different plans to follow. Which plan is followed will depend on the unfaithful spouse’s actions.
One point of Harvey’s that I completely agree with is the importance of making the affair public knowledge. He gives good guidelines for going about this as well as a compelling argument for why it must be done. I was surprised to hear however that he suggests children as young as 7 be told about the affair. I was surprised not because I disagree, but because I agree and this is the first instance of affirmation for my belief that I’ve found. That said, parents who have an open custody case should be aware of the legalities involved in talking to children about this sort of topic. In some cases it is probably best to wait until kids are older before discussing it, but if the children are old enough to understand at the time of the affair then I am in agreement with the author that they should be aware of what is going on.
I did feel that the book was somewhat lacking in advice specific to instances of serial adultery and one-night stands. Harvey focused primarily on affairs with emotional depth, arguing that they are the most difficult to break off. However, in some ways I believe that serial adultery is more difficult to deal with and would be a more difficult habit to break. If a spouse is cheating with one person, then it’s possible to break away from that person entirely and end the relationship. But if a spouse is cheating with strangers on a regular basis, that is more difficult to track, more difficult to prove, and easier for the adulterer to fall back into the habit any time he’s away from his spouse.
Overall I found this book to be a useful resource and a good reminder for the future if I ever face adultery in a relationship again. I received a free copy of this as an audiobook from christianaudio.com
- Recovery After Betrayal
Surviving an Affair by Willard F. Harley, Jr. & Jennifer Harley Chalmers is a helpful resource for couples who are trying to recover from the pain of betrayal in the form of an affair. It offers helpful advice to make sure that the affair has ended and will remain finished as well as steps to repair the damaged marriage. It also covers the reasons why affairs occur with ways to stop this from happening such as meeting each others needs, so they don't go looking elsewhere for their needs to be met.
Personally, I hope that this is a book that I never need or only need for preventive purposes but I know that it is an unfortunate fact that affairs happen more than they should even in Christian marriages, so I am bound to have a friend or workmate that may require the helpful content of this book. The advice provided seemed to make a lot of sense and will hopefully help save and restore many marriages.
The narration was reasonably good, as it was read by the author, so he knew exactly how he wanted the book to be read. The pace was quite smooth and not too fast, so listening was easy.
This book is especially aimed at married couples who have experienced the painful effects of a betrayal in the form of an affair. However it would also serve as a good preventive measure for couples that are currently struggling to communicate and meet each other's needs.
This audio book was gifted as a part of the christianaudio Reviewers Program in exchange for my unbiased review of this work. More information can be found about this and other Christian audio books at christianaudio.com.