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Washed and Waiting

Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

Author Wesley Hill
Narrator Adam Black
Runtime 4.15 Hrs. - Unabridged
Publisher Zondervan
Downloads ZIP MP3 M4B
Release Date November 15, 2010
Availability: Unrestricted (available worldwide)
Wesley Hill writes for gay Christians and those who love them. Part-memoir, part theological reflection, Hill shares the struggles that gay Christians face as they seek to live faithful to God’s “no” to homosexuality.
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This is a book written primarily for gay Christians and those who love them.

Part memoir, part pastoral-theological reflection, this book wrestles with three main areas of struggle that many gay Christians face:

1. What is God’s will for sexuality?

2. If the historic Christian tradition is right and same-sex behavior is ruled out, how should gay Christians deal with their resulting loneliness?

3. How can gay Christians come to an experience of grace that rescues them from crippling feelings of shame and guilt?

Author Wesley Hill is not advocating that it is possible for every gay Christian to become straight, nor is he saying that God affirms homosexuality. Instead, Hill comes alongside gay Christians and says, “You are not alone. Here is my experience; it’s like yours. And God is with us. We can share in God’s grace.”

While some authors profess a deep faith in Christ and claim a powerful experience of the Holy Spirit precisely in and through their homosexual practice, Hill’s own story, by contrast, is a story of feeling spiritually hindered, rather than helped, by his homosexuality.

His story testifies that homosexuality was not God’s original creative intention for humanity—that it is, on the contrary, a tragic sign of human nature and relationships being fractured by sin—and therefore that homosexual practice goes against God’s express will for all human beings, especially those who trust in Christ.

This book is written mainly for those homosexual Christians who are trying to walk the narrow path of celibacy and are convinced that their discipleship to Jesus necessarily commits them to the demanding, costly obedience of choosing not to nurture their homosexual desires.

With reflections from the lives of Henri Nouwen and Gerard Manley Hopkins, Wesley Hill encourages and challenges Christians with homosexual desires to live faithful to God’s plan for human sexuality.

Wesley Hill writes for gay Christians and those who love them. Part-memoir, part theological reflection, Hill shares the struggles that gay Christians face as they seek to live faithful to God’s “no” to homosexuality.

Customer Reviews

2 Reviews Add Review
Powerful book! Redemption and Wrestling with Sexuality
Wesley Hill is winsome, candid, and right on. Offers clarity in a culture of confusion, and shows the way forward, not just for those struggling with unwanted or perverse sexual attractions, but for all sinners.
While I may disagree with him on some language nuances, his testimony of the power of Christ's grace in the midst of enduring difficulties is powerful.
Review by / (Posted on 6/17/2016)
Sometimes not having something allows you to really look and understand
One of the things I remember from a grad class about understanding diversity is that often people do not focus on their identity as … until they are a minority in that area. So people often do not think about their maleness, until they are in a class of all women. They do not think about their Appalachia roots until they live in New York City.

Wesley Hill has a better understanding of the purpose and use of sex from a Christian perspective than most Christian books on sex or marriage that I have read. I think it is in part because of his struggle to understand sexuality as a consciously gay Evangelical (and so sex is something he cannot have).

There are three things that this book really gets right. One it is very consciously personal. About half of the book recounts Hill’s struggle to understand his sexuality and his decision about why he feels that the only way he can be authentically Christian and still true to himself is to be celibate. The second thing that he gets right is that he does not keep it personal. He tracks two others Christians that also were both gay and celibate (Henri Nouwen and Gerald Manley Hopkins). Hill is still young, as a 20 something he does not have the life experience to discuss celibacy as a long term lifestyle and I think he wisely brings in the experience of two now deceased men. The picture of these men is not all that pretty, they lived tortured and lonely lives, but that is also part of what Hill will live as well if he continues to choose a celibate life. The third thing that I really appreciate is a view of sexuality as something that is not a ‘right’. And he views all of life as a possible means of teaching us to be like Christ. This connectedness of life to Christ is important to how he understands God. God is not a cosmic killjoy that says he can’t have sex out of meanness, but instead God has created a world that is fallen and that God uses the fallenness to mold us into the people he (God) wants us to be.

What I want for Hill is a better understanding of community and friendship. I understand why he has issues with community and friendship, but I think it is a result of a weakness of modern American Evangelical theology more than anything else. I want him to read Sacred Unions, Sacred Passions by Dan Brennan to help understand how cross-gender (or in his case other male) friendships can be non-erotic and fulfilling. And I think that a better understanding of monastic theology would help him understand the role of community in faith formation better.

Overall, I really recommend this book. Anyone that has friends struggling with same gender attraction will find a better understanding of the struggle in this book. Anyone that is struggling with celibacy (gay or straight) will find a good understanding of the role of celibacy in the church. I also think many married people will find his understanding of sex useful because sex in marriage is not (or should not) be about personal fulfillment like what culture makes it out to be.


I received this book from the publisher for purposes of review. I have passed it on to a friend.
Review by / (Posted on 5/8/2012)